he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
