it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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