Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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