Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
