The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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