you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
