ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
