Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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