Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
