let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
