The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't deserve a penis
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
