I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
