Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is the high leading the old right now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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