Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
