I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I won the penis lottery.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
