I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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