youre lurking in front of me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We named our party play list daddy issues
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
