One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
