haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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