remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
