The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
