Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
