I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
