I cockslap morals
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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