No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
