so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
