I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My vagina just clenched in fear
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize