we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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