You're so nebulous sometimes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
