we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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