I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
