I think I am morally bankrupt
He kissed a someone with a penis
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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