last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Damn victory sex feels great
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
