What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
