So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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