I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
