5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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