ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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