she woke up with a sticky ear
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize