i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I forget how to act sober
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