Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
