so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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