Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I checked into jail on foursquare
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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