I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you win again, gameday.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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