I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
