If that was your dad, he is hot
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
