My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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