It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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