Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
