I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
