omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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