I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
