Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
