Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
