guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize