thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
