Non-Jews are for practice
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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