What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
