Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
