i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
