i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
