Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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