Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
