bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
