i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
