You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
