Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize