my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
