Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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