Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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