the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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