we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
