I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
