it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
