He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
