remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize