handjob tips. give me some.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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