my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
