oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
