i already hear my dad disowning me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
