Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
