I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
