Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize