saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
