Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
