I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
