just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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