if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
