Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize