woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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