Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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