Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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