no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
