I wannas sexs uuuuu
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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