are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
