i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
3 2 1 whiskey
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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