After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
