Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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